How I Stopped My New Beginnings Dilemma
Passion is where the magic is at.
New beginnings… aren’t they magical? So full of opportunity. The air around them just smells of excitement, ideas, eagerness, ambition, … oh, and also a numbing amount of fear, endless self-doubt, lists of why you’d fail, the anticipation of falling flat on your face, and not even getting started (the last is the worst if you ask me).
Starting fresh takes courage. You have to be willing to face the unknown. A lot of uncertainties. The likelihood of (at least some) failures. A lot of the time, starting fresh also means leaving something old behind or closing a chapter. Sometimes the chapter closes itself and we’re forced to look at new possibilities. Still, someone who doesn’t fall back on their “easy-out,” comfortable, or tired old ways but instead tries something new is a courageous person in my book.
With that said… let’s not be coy. Anyone reading this (and I’m going to include myself here), go ahead and give yourself a pat on the back! You are courageous and curious. You are interested in starting something fresh in your life. 😁
For me, starting this new journey of finally making writing my full-time career has been the biggest new beginning of this year (or maybe the biggest in the last five years). For the past two and a half years I’ve had this dream to get myself “launched” as a writer. Two and a half years. That’s a lot of time to sit on your fanny with your dream doing nothing but lounge in your head.
And I’ll be 100% honest — this change and new beginning weren’t all self-chosen. Yes, I had wanted to add some sort of blog or writing project to my plate forever. Neatly aligned next to my daytime job (which had been keeping me pretty busy). But I got about one and a half steps in, as usual, before I succumbed to, “but I just finished a whole day of work. I just don’t have the time. Plus, I’m tired. And hungry. And watching TV sounds pretty good right now.”
This had been my cycle for at least two and a half years. Maybe it’s been yours, too.
My remote marketing and virtual assistant jobs had been fairly safe from the coronavirus job loss fallout for the first few months. I kept on doing what I do, only 100% remotely now (before that, it had included several in-person work sessions with clients). But by June I got hit, too. One of my main clients announced she had to drastically cut my projects and hours (and hence, pay).
Suddenly, I was forced to look at alternative options. I could go out and try to get more marketing/VA clients. But what are the odds I will be able to find new clients in this economic pandemic climate? I could try to learn a new skill and offer that (and again, find clients for this new skill). I could resign to a 9–5 office job, and start shooting out my resume again, like I had done so many times before I made myself independent two and a half years ago.
None of those sounded right to me. Or particularly promising, given that we’re in both a pandemic and a recession. For a few days, I racked my brain and kind of agonized over what I could do. Thankfully, I had a small amount of savings. But I knew it wasn’t enough to keep me afloat long. So, I had to do something.
When it “hit” me, I won’t lie when I say it was kind of a magical moment.
For several days I thought and thought and thought about what to do. And nothing really stuck. But I also felt close. I didn’t hate what I currently did; it just needed some refinement. Both in terms of income potential and in terms of my passions. So, a few days went by with nothing really productive coming out of them.
Then on Sunday morning, as I was brushing my teeth it suddenly “hit” me — hey, I love writing! That in itself was nothing new. But since the blog thing hadn’t really amounted to anything at all, I thought, what if I could instead get paid to write? What if I could turn writing into my actual business? Not just start a trying little blog where I could eventually place some ads and maybe make a few bucks from it (like, waaaaay down the road, according to some thankfully very honest bloggers I had googled). What if I could make writing my business?! Almost immediately I also knew what kind of writer I wanted to be: a copywriter! Not a blogger, not a marketing writer, not a columnist, or anything like that. A copywriter. That title instantly sounded right in my head.
I then finished excitedly brushing my teeth and wandered over to my computer. It was set. I knew I wanted to become a professional copywriter. And not just any professional copywriter. I created my goal right then and there: I wanted to become one of the best copywriters out there. This was my passion and my dream. I connected my dream and my commitment to it in my head right there, and they were linked from that moment on. Why it took me so long to actually materialize this thought in my head, I have no idea.
The What-Ifs of New Beginnings
So far, my journey and days working toward becoming an independent full-time copywriter have been mostly positive, exciting, revealing, educational, trying, and also… scary AF.
What if I fail?
What if I can’t write enough to actually make a living?
What if I can write enough, but not enough good stuff?
What if nobody will like my “stuff” enough to pay for it?
What if my writing is not meant to be a service, but merely be intended as a hobby, or sideline to another job?
I had a few more thoughts like that.
Starting something new always (unless you’re doing it wrong) brings along uncertainties, thoughts of doubt, and questions on how to navigate it.
These thoughts are scary and uncomfortable. The changes ahead might be uncomfortable. I’ll be honest here, I’m a person who likes her comfort. I like my routine, I like knowing what’s ahead, and I’ve never been a big fan of surprises. I’ve never been great at “leaving my comfort zone,” or “doing something daring and spontaneous.” You know, like so many articles or blogs on life advice and “living your life to the fullest” advise you.
To be fair, my comfort zone wasn’t about to be completely destroyed. I was happy and excited about my choice and new path ahead. But I was definitely scared. And unsure about the next months ahead. I had to be open to trying new things. And working hard. And working even harder to not give in to my thoughts of self-doubt.
What Was Different This Time?
I can say that I noticed a few things being different when comparing this time of starting new with my countless past attempts when I “kind of decided to start something new,” and then quickly failed/gave up.
I’ve found that three key points made the biggest difference this time:
- I was half-forced into doing something new. I had to find a new way to make income. This was an external factor.
- It felt right. It was almost like the figurative fire in my belly when I had finally decided this is what I want to do. This fire created motivation and strength in itself. If you don’t 100% want to do that new journey — that new beginning — you will fail.
- I stayed positive. Now I feel it’s important to explain I am, by no means, a good vibes only supporter. I think that is the biggest BS there ever was. Life sometimes throws bad vibes your way. Ignoring them won’t make them go away. You have to face them head-on. I strongly believe constantly telling yourself to see everything in a good light equates to lying to yourself. I also think constantly forcing yourself to be happy instead of allowing any “negative” moods or feelings is a good way to get yourself a mental health or mood disorder, such as depression or anxiety. All your feelings are valid, and all your feelings are okay. There are no “bad” feelings. I think that being truthful with yourself is the best way to live. If you’re feeling scared, be scared. Allow yourself to be scared, acknowledge it, and explore why you are scared. Then dissect that feeling to see if it’s worth staying scared of whatever you’re scared of. If you are angry, be angry. Punch a pillow or scream (not so loud that your neighbors get concerned). Let it out! And even if you feel depressed or hopeless, let yourself feel those things for a moment. Sit with them and the uncomfortable notion of it. After you acknowledge these uncomfortable feelings, only then it’s time to look at them in a different light. Are they really so bad? What might they be trying to tell you? Did anything specific trigger these feelings*? Are they worthy of having you wallow in them for a long time? Listen to what your feelings might be trying to tell you about yourself, or what you’re experiencing, instead of stuffing them under an artificial rug of fake-happiness.
With all that being said, in this instance, I chose to acknowledge my fears and feelings of uncertainty and self-doubt, and I told them in response, “it will be okay. I will make sure that I will be okay. I will try hard and I will fight. You guys don’t have to hang around for now. If there’s a time to come back later, let’s talk then.”
Those three points were the key factors that were different for me this time. In short, I was determined (and yes, coronavirus pandemic).
* I understand that some types of depression may have no triggers at all. Also, please note while I had (and still have at times) my fair share of depression and other mental health struggles, I am no psychiatrist and I am not trying to offer medical advice or diagnosis. I simply share my experiences and what may have worked for me. If you’re struggling with your mental wellbeing, please consult a licensed therapist for help. They’re out there and some of them are truly amazing and can help!
I’m Jenna — hi, I’m new to Medium! I’m a long-time writer/aspiring copywriter. I’m on a journey to making writing my full-time gig. Jump in with me! On Medium, I write about life’s struggles and successes, the writing process itself, and how to live better. Many of my stories have a touch (or a lot) of personal experiences in it.
Follow me on Medium here. I’m also on Twitter and Instagram (all are @jennacopywrites).
